My new home can be found at lucyvhouse.blogspot.co.uk
Please follow and continue to keep up with my journey.
Thank you :-)
I have moved home but don't worry, I am still blogging just in a new place.
My new home can be found at lucyvhouse.blogspot.co.uk Please follow and continue to keep up with my journey. Thank you :-)
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The past week in England has been absolutely glorious weather wise. The sun has been beaming down on us all and lighting up what has felt like a never ending damp and dark place. I do think a little shot of sun can do wonders to not only the environment but us as people. I will be the first to admit that I'm more of a winter girl with all the 'cosyness' and festivity feelings (well the first half of winter any how!) but when the country you live in is pretty much wet and dull for the majority of the year, its good to have a burst of sunshine to mix it all up a bit. Its is summer after all! As someone in recovery from anorexia it is pretty hard not to be constantly 'toing and froing' from all of the conflicting dietary advice that is given to us from many different people and sources. The recovery process is well and truly underway in my 'neck of the woods'. I am getting into the zone for real this time and I have no intention of pulling out! The days have come with their fair share of difficulties as would be excepted...but I don't know, I just feel different this time you know?? I feel so 'thirsty' for exciting things in life which I can not have with anorexia in full power and leading such a monotonous life not really going anywhere. The prospect of a better life in all areas - health, independence, joy, relationships, career they are all things which I know care more about and therefore starting to match up to the wants anorexia has had for me for so long and rivalling these! Anorexia is not just as 'clear cut' as wanting to be skinny. Yes it may feel this way at times, but this want, even if your not aware of it has most likely stemmed from a deeper reason/meaning. It could be a strong personality trait, past experience that had an effect on you or a coping mechanism for something in your life. These and many, many more reasons are the true catalyst of the illness. My second instalment of how my days have been going recovery wise and how I'm currently feeling with it all. The past week seems to have gone so fast and it sort of scares me how quickly time can pass you buy and how you need to absolutely make the most of each moment you have and choose to do what is best for you at that point in time! Thats something that I never even thought about years ago when all I cared about was myself and how thin I could be. I never realised how quickly time went by and looking back on my life now, I see that I literally did not use any of my time to better myself and think about what actually makes me happy or what potentially could. You could say that I did live in the moment...but it was all based on how little I could eat or how I could loose weight...not living at all. Throughout my time with anorexia, I have been through what I thought was recovery more times than I care to admit! The in's and out's of in-paitent treatment, hospital appointments sometimes 4 times a week and not to mention the endless 'plans' I have tried to write down for myself swearing each time that this would be the one that would get me better...but coming up to 11 years later from that 13 year old teen when I was first diagnosed, I am not recovered. I'm wanting to not only just talk about key facts and motivational finds on this blog, but to also use it to document how I'm doing this time round in my recovery. So many times I've tried to make a 'final push' at my recovery but never seemed to see it through and I want this time to be the one where I reach more than I thought I ever could at one time because if not now then when? When in recovery from such a restrictive eating disorder like anorexia, the process really is much more than the number on a scale. Throughout my ten year history with the disorder, my weight has gone up and down by being in and out of hospitals and various in-patient units with most of the time my weight 'ups' being a short lived experience due to me just putting the weight on to 'get rid' and go back to restricting and lose what I could of it again. When it comes to committing to recovery in anorexia, you have to WANT to change. You have to want to recover so badly that you are willing to do whatever it takes no matter what. Its also has to come from you and only you as this will be the element that you hold on to when 'the going gets tough', which it mostly defiantly will! |
HELLO!Within this space you will find an honest and open journey of my battle with anorexia and the workings of what will be my way to a true happy place in life! ArchivesFOLLOW ME |